Take Your Practice Beyond the Mat

Our Beginning Yoga Series Students have been doing great, and have accepted a challenge each week to take their individual practices Beyond the Mat.

It literally only takes a few minutes to do this. You will bring attention to your body and do some mindful movement, and with that you will notice the difference in terms of connection to your body and on the spot mindful regulation.

Here are a few of those Beyond the Mat ideas to integrate into your practice:

  • Breath awareness, being aware of the breath more often likewise makes a difference. It doesn’t matter how you breathe, just being aware shifts the experience and impact.
  • Be aware of your feet. Tuning into the feeling of your feet, your balance, your articulation as you walk helps keep you be grounded and more present.
  • Find neutral spine every day. This means you are aligned head to the tail in a natural way- natural includes curves. The best way to know it is to lie flat on the ground. Or to stand with your heels, hips, back, and head to the wall. You won’t be flat, you will notice the curves. Your posture is designed like a spring rather than a rod. This alignment is the visual for the mind/body connection and the basis of all meditation postures.

The point of these simple suggestions is that it is easy to get lost in all we have to do. And with that stress and disconnection accrues. I call this body driving head around.

Yet, the body experience is the anchor back to present moment reality and the power to adjust in real time, rather than ignore and be overwhelmed later on. By being aware of the body now, you are back in the driver’s seat.

All these formal practices: yoga, meditation, mindfulness are known as: Somatic Training. Where you are developing your natural ability to attune, attend, and respond- to balance physical, emotional, and mental energy and information, to relate rather than react …ie to self-regulate your nervous system.

Self-regulation implies that your nervous system can and will regulate itself, it is unconscious and autonomic function.  These functions though may not be optimal or accurate, and we can get into chronic patterns that generate unnecessary stress, pain, and illness.  Self-regulation gives you the power back, it simply requires some awareness and intention to slow down and notice what’s really happening.  It’s certainly not a cure-all, but it does make a subtle and significant difference in the long run.

So, to repeat:  Move and feel your body simply with curiosity, be aware of your breath more often, feel your feet regularly to shift attention from the head, lie down and align your posture on the ground.  This moment matters.

The Four Foundations of Mindfulness or The Satipatthana Sutta

 

As mindfulness has come to mean many things in our modern usage, with the potential to be watered down into being calm, relaxed, or nice it is useful to reflect upon its actual roots in Buddhism.

The Four Foundations of Mindfulness, or the Satipatthana Sutta, is the classical teaching attributed to the Buddha which outlines a simple, direct way anyone may lessen and end suffering. Below is a brief overview of the foundations as I understand them, express them, and explore them as an interfaith practitioner. Interfaith here implies a respect for the world’s spiritual and religious traditions without identifying as one in particular.

The first foundation is the body, the physical, our direct sensory connection to the world.  Use your senses, your body, and your breath to bring you home.  It is simple and significant. This place you are is the only place you truly exist.

The second foundation is the feelings.  Being aware of your emotional reaction to the present moment.  We are always emoting subconsciously.  Literally, we are having a reaction whether we are conscious of it or not.  Mindfulness asks us to make it conscious, to see it clearly and to not be so driven by emotional reactivity.

The third foundation is the thoughts.  Being aware of the thinking process.  We are often lost in thought, convinced of thought, trying to think our way out of stress & suffering.  In reality, life does not yield itself to simple problem solving.  Awareness of thoughts as things rather than certainties gives us much more perspective and response flexibility.

The fourth foundation is more complicated.  It is sometimes referred to as awareness of mental formations.  I once asked a very experienced Buddhist friend to explain it more to me, she said “it’s everything else.” The energy with which she said this, as a devoted meditator, struck me.  This the launching pad into the mysteries of consciousness and the possibility for clear comprehension within the vicissitudes of this wild and precious life.

What is particularly interesting in this ancient understanding via the Buddha is that it matches our concept of the evolution of the brain- from biological instinct, to raw emotion, to abstract thought.  And it champions the ability we have to integrate it all anew; to live with more intention, care, and wisdom.   To lessen, and potentially, end suffering.

Simple but not easy.  Profound and Practical.  May it be so!

Inner Peace – Six things to make it easier

not being afraid of change

kindness toward others

honesty with yourself

intentional actions

self-awareness

Yung Pueblo, Clarity and Connection

 

I offered this Inner Peace formula by writer and contemplative activist Yung Pueblo in the July news. One of our thoughtful students took “intentional actions” as a point of inquiry asking me and himself, what is intentional actions? You may simply want to consider the question without reading on.  One of Yung Pueblo’s gifts is his economy of words.  Here is my philosophical and hopefully practical response to the question:

In mindfulness training, and yoga as well- the idea of knowing how to work with the impulses of the mind/body moment to moment is the key to ending unnecessary suffering…

Intentional action implies working as skillfully as possible with the past/present momentum of doing, relating, managing, fixing, controlling, willing…

Intentional action asks us to consider deeply. What is really happening within me and around me? What is called for (if anything)?

Much of formal meditation practice teaches us to harness the mind/body energy and purify it (so to speak);  so our presence and action can be use-full, help-full, care-full, beneficial, healing rather than reactive, aggressive, selfish, impulsive, harmful…

The Dali Lama has said “ My greatest protection (against fear and negative emotions towards the Chinese for instance) is my sincere intention.” This has always been an important quote for me personally.  A reminder that if I can be clear and sincere, to the best of my current ability, I am protected.

This brings to mind another related quote, by Mother Teresa.   She details many ways the world and people may judge and criticize your actions and motivations, making you doubt what you should do.  Her advice is, “do it anyway.” The last line reminds the person of faith, “ You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway.”

And from another perspective regarding intentional action, there is also Victor Frankl’s famous statement adopted by the mindfulness movement: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Then again, it always comes back to daily life practice really.  Consider what it means for yourself in the next few situations you are navigating; how do I be intentional here? It might be as simple as being present, being connected to what you are doing, nothing special yet fully experienced.

Or more challenging, what it means when you are upset in some discernable way, wanting “it” to be different than it is right now. How do I be intentional here? It might be as simple as not doing what you usually do.   As the zen saying goes, “where there is awareness, there is wisdom.”

Yoga as a Vocation Sol Center

I use to teach a lot of yoga, hours every day. I joked that, though it wasn’t all super physical, I was a marathon yoga teacher. I taught different things in those many hours. It was also in one facility, so I didn’t have to drive hither and yon. I loved what I did and I earned a good living in the days when teaching yoga wasn’t really known as a vocation.

It is said you teach what you most need to learn, maybe that is true. I guess I needed to learn how to be in my body, how to be myself and connected to something more. I also learned a lot about teaching, communicating, relating. For me learning is primarily about self-awareness, and secondarily about information. This is why I teach yoga and not history, which was incidentally what I studied as an undergraduate.

For some reason, my desire to talk about the breath today brought me back to reflecting on these early days of marathon teaching. I taught this morning, a short 75-minute class and everyone was very focused. It felt like many years of what it took for me to learn were transmitted and absorbed by everyone in the room. It was a bit of a time warp really, it felt like we must have practiced for hours to get that deep. At the heart of this story is the breath.

If you have practiced yoga with me, you will know there is a special way that we breathe. This comes from my teacher Rama and is the essence of her method, which she will not name. She calls it Yoga. There are lots of layers to this teaching, but in a nutshell it is a way of using the breath to create shifts and changes in our being without activating the ego or the will. It is a way of working within the yoga poses that takes you into deep states of meditation where subtle conflict is resolved. It is a way of converting the oxygen we breathe into the prana or energy we need to maintain our integrity.

How does all this happen through breath? I wish I could describe it here. I actually have been trying (and editing it out) but it is really something you have to experience. For now I will simply say breathe in and receive: oxygen, energy, light! Breathe out and move: do, allow, flow. And stay aware of the source of the breath as well, know that you needn’t give anything vital to your being away, to do what you are doing.

Sol Center Reflections

Reflections, Appreciations, and Intentions

Reflection 1: While the situation of life as usual is not “life as usual”, life goes on. One of my favorite simple thought adjustments recently is to shift from thinking about life happening to me or me having to make things happen, to life happening through me. In this shift of words and thinking I remember that I am not helpless, I do not have to force things, I can be and breathe with life, and I remember to enjoy the emergent process. How does life live through you?

Reflection 2: As the year closes, as the light wanes, as the world turns I often am struck with just how fast our life goes, how precious it should be, how we should take nothing for granted. Yet we do. As most of you know I am the queen of slow- motion yoga, of teaching in a slow, deliberate, and philosophical way. Weaving in being with doing as thoroughly as possible. Would it surprise you to know that I can’t always find enough of this for me? That I need to slow down more than I let myself? That you all help me walk my own talk? If I am gentle with myself, I can feel the goodness in this confession.

Appreciation 1: Thank you for helping us keep the Sol Center going this year. I get thanked a lot for various things I do, and I thank people a lot myself- for what they do. But what does it really mean, to be truly grateful? The idea of the Sol Center has been in my heart for many, many years and is slowly growing into a meaningful reality for many people besides myself. Each of you help bring this vision into the world. To feel the collective support for the vision gives me the courage and inspiration I need to keep us going strong. What did you keep going this year? Who helped you?

Appreciation 2: I continue to be grateful for all the teachers and teaching I have been given so far, that I (and we) have access to now. There are many moments when I wish I could fall back and simply bask in one teacher or teaching, one practice or path. But it all is part of one teaching and path for me that I am still living into, that I want to share from as I continue to learn and grow. My interfaith mentor Beverly Lanzetta says “the spiritual life is a happy life because you are doing the one thing that is most necessary.” What is the one thing that is most necessary for you?

Intentions: Beverly’s words echo in my mind as I consider the new year. I see that I have hinted at some of mine already.

• To be present for the flow of life, moment by moment.

• To be gentle with myself as I do all of what I am doing. (we all do so much! much more than we realize!)

• To give/take/structure more meditative/reflective time for myself.

• To feel the goodness and abundance of what we are all doing at the Sol Center and beyond.

• To wholeheartedly receive the help that is offered.

• To be more with the teachers and teachings I love. To be a faithful and diligent student.

If you would like share some of your reflections, appreciations, and intentions send me a message and I will add them to my Solstice thoughts and prayers.

Seasons Blessings, Natasha

The Truth is Somewhere In Between

There is a meditative inquiry process I learned from my Integrative Restoration/iRest training that I find very potent.  It involves the alternation between polarities to create a new felt sense of something in between.

To keep this from being too intellectual I invite you to try a basic example of it here:

Feel your body contacting something solid right now…really feel it…describe it simply

Feel the parts of the body that don’t touch something solid…really feel it…describe it simply

Go back and forth, feeling one and then the other…distinctly…as fully as possible.

Now feel them both simultaneously…both together…as fully as possible.

What is that like? Can you describe it?

What most people report is that they don’t quite know.  The experience cannot be thought about so concretely.  The process actually arrests analysis. I almost feel it as a neurological release.

When we feel into it with interest, it often feels good.  Like something new and different.  As a well cited Rumi quote goes: Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about….

This practice and quote are glimpses of a non-dual state.  A “place” that we long for on some level, and yet don’t trust as real.  A taste of it is liberating, and yet hard to sustain.  With exploration and practice it is an important element of healing the body, mind, and spirit.


I have a lot of tools in my bag when I work with people individually.  Depending on what people come to me for:  Yoga, Meditation, Mindfulness, Stress Reduction, Grief, Astrology, Spiritual Direction, I use the tools I think are relative to them and will work well for them at present. In reality I mainly rely on deep listening and deep faith. Faith that everything is part of the whole.  Even and especially when it is hard and heartbreaking.

The polarity exercise came up recently as I was hearing someone who is struggling, physically and emotionally, express a string of negative thoughts about what is happening to them.  When we did an inquiry exploring the negative thoughts and their opposites, she offered the insight “the truth is somewhere in between.”  We could both feel the power of her statement, and how it could help her navigate, but also the pull of the negative thinking and the struggle to be OK with not being OK right now.

There is a lot to explain there, and it won’t all come through clearly in words, but I will say simply that with all my tools and training, what is often most important when we are deeply struggling is letting ourselves feel our feelings through, finding safe ways to do that.  Giving ourselves time, it takes longer than we think it should.  And, being kind to ourselves as we grope.  It’s OK not to be OK right now.  It’s OK to not know what to do yet.  There may be nothing that can be done. The difficulty and vulnerability are its own teaching, its own worth and wisdom. We are learning to be in between.


The last part of this contemplation of the truth is somewhere in between takes me back to some teachings from the Yoga and Buddhist traditions as well as a few people I hold in my heart at this time.

In Yoga Philosophy, as expressed in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, there is the basic premise that wholeness, our spiritual origin, or the light of consciousness is always there.  It is the churning of the mind- our sensing, thinking, and selfing brain, that obscures the fuller reality of Oneness.   We confuse our own personal perception with the truth, again and again and again.

The path of Yoga is said to be simply, the stilling of the fluctuations of the mind, so the true light of consciousness can shine through.  While this sounds anti-intellectual, it is really about understanding consciousness and requires great amounts of viveka khyati, discriminative awareness, a high meta- cognition faculty.

To keep it simple, Yoga reminds us that our brain and perception are problematic. Even correct perception will ultimately be a stumbling block.  Yoga challenges us to hold to the oneness, rather than be caught in polarity.  To use our Rumi quote, to lie in that grass.  Again, to learn to be in between.

The Buddhist perspective, has a different take on ultimate reality.  Not as oneness or something constant to attune with; but as flux, change, impermanence.    It is our grasping and effort to control the uncontrollable that causes suffering.  Freedom from suffering is about loosening our grip. Like viveka kyhati of yoga- sati, mindfulness, is one of the important skills that helps us see what is actually happening in the body/mind and make choices that are freeing.  We are learning to be with life on life’s terms.

I won’t expound on Buddhism more, as I don’t want to do it an injustice.  What I will share are a few of the ways I felt it was conveyed to me that point again to the non-dual state. Both come from the Buddhist teacher I have been with most, Michelle McDonald.  She loves to refer to and quote from Nisargadatta Maharaj.  He was a modern Indian saint from the Vedic Tradition. Not a Buddhist, but considered by those of his time as a fully awake and realized person.  He did not teach theory, he only taught direct perception.  How to see through the duality to the deeper foundation of being.  His quote that I have rested in most is, “Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. And between the two my life flows.” Once again, the invitation to acknowledge both /and.

The last story I will tell, related to all this is the response Michelle gave to someone’s question regarding the personal agenda of waking up; the paradox of seeking freedom when we are also told to let go of wanting, to be present now.  The younger teacher responded “Yes, that is the paradox, we learn how to bare it.”  Michelle in her maturity said, “No, it is only a paradox if you are in your head about it.  It is resolved when you stay close to the present moment, the direct experience of life unfolding.”

As closure I offer, you one more Michelle quote about the power and potential of true presence, which for me is the abode of the non-dual, in-between.  “The truth is we don’t know what is going to happen next…each moment is newborn or life isn’t alive.  Aliveness requires the birth and death of every moment. “

Blessings to my friend Katya who is currently living into dying.  And to my friend Nathan who slipped away too soon.

We are approaching Winter Solstice, the low point of sunlight in the Northern Hemisphere. The time of year and the election/transition predicament have me reflecting on an important myth in the yoga tradition.

It is called the Churning of the Ocean of Milk and tells the tale of a search for immortality. In order to find it, opposite beings must work & churn together; half on one side and half on the other. Alas, once it is found there is another struggle for which half shall imbibe it.

In the story, the light beings/Devas are the one half deemed to receive it. The dark forces/Asuras are tricked out of it; although, they receive much bounty along the way and would likewise have tricked the Devas themselves. Some of the dark forces get the nectar and are made immortal nonetheless- they continue to show their power in the form of eclipses, regularly blotting out light from the Sun and Moon. They also show their power in the form of wars and plagues in general; delusion, greed, and hatred in particular.

I image you are thinking, this sounds pretty familiar…

This myth, like many of its kind, points to the incessant struggle between light and dark forces. The supremacy of light, but also the relevance of shadow and darkness as well. In the full story, they were needed to churn the ocean and helped bring many gifts and splendors to the world. For instance, the last figure to arise from the Ocean with the chalice of nectar was Dhanvantri, a celestial physician and giver of medicine. And lest we think the Devas are perfect, there are plenty of stories of their follies and foibles.

What is useful about myth is the potential to see life from a non-logical, right brain perspective. They are links between our personal and collective dramas and a deeper understanding of life and humanity. The renowned mythology scholar Joseph Campbell called myths ”pubic dreams” and dreams “private myths”.

I invite you to gently consider what is useful about this story as you live into the rest of this strange, sad, and significant year? How do dream your private myth?

The outer light is waning at this time of year- the inner light is always available. Here’s my dream:

I shine my light for the benefit of all, without exception. We work together to create a better world for all beings.

Five Facets of a Mindful Person

One early analytical model of what it means to be a mindful person was developed by Ruth Baer PhD at the University of Kentucky. This model is significant in that indicates the most important factors and provides a way to measure mindful traits and how they might correlate to physical and mental outcomes. The analysis yielded five particular facets: acting with awareness, describing, non-reactivity to inner experience, non-judging of inner experience, and observing. Using this template, here are some key touchstones to orient you towards the cultivation of mindfulness on a regular basis.

1. Be aware of what you are doing.
This does not imply it is necessarily easy, pleasant, or interesting to pay attention; simply that you are showing up for the actual experience of living rather than going through the motions. Basic daily tasks can become mini- meditations: brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting the mail, drinking water.

2. Find new ways to articulate your direct physical and emotional experiences.
We have lots of ways to talk about concepts and things, and often don’t know how to describe what we are sensing and feeling. There is great power in noticing what you notice and speaking from your present moment reality. Try it with simple things: How does a walk make your body feel? How does someone’s smile make you feel? How does it feel to be wrong or right about something? Or, to not know?

3. Recognize that you get stressed, triggered, reactive many times every day.
It may be related to past or future events on your mind; it may be situational or relational; it may be the state of world. Recognize that it is happening and work with the energy right now. These are your patterns and unconsciously influence how you will react and respond. Conscious breathing helps to harness the stress energy and shape the future.

4. Recognize that much of what you perceive is colored by your own judgments.
Judgements are unavoidable and limiting thoughts. It is helpful to remember that thoughts are just things, not fixed realities. They can and should evolve as we grow and learn. Play with catching some of your habitual judgmental thoughts, “Hello judgment!”

5. Awareness of Awareness.
The fifth facet has to do with the distinctly human ability to be aware of the mind itself, referred to as meta-cognition. This is where the formal practice of meditation is uniquely powerful as a way to be aware of sensations, emotions, thoughts, and not so reflexively driven by them. Meditation is linked to the phenomenon of brain integration, where the three levels of brain function coordinate in new ways.

Meditate in some way- it will help you live and lead with dignity.

Bringing Mindfulness to Grief & Loss

Let’s start with a caveat.  Grieving is natural and it is hard.  There are many forms of grief; some stemming from birth and childhood, some from particular occurrences or from a progression of causes and conditions, some that will be with us every day, and some that do eventually ebb and integrate into the weave of our life.  Each of us has our own unique array of losses and coping mechanisms.  Each of us is on a journey to understand ourselves and this life.

Mindfulness simply put, is a way of orienting our attention to the present, expanding our awareness, and softening our critical/reactive impulses to our own inner experience.  On the journey of reconciliation and healing, being more at peace with what has been and more present for the life unfolding before us, mindfulness supports the meaning making process.  What is referred to in Buddhism as insight, and what is now referred to by grief specialist David Kessler as the sixth stage of grief.  Here are some thoughts of how they go together.

It’s simple, but not easy. 

Paying attention on purpose in the present moment, non judgmentally is one way to describe the technical mindfulness practice.   This can be applied to daily tasks- wash the dishes while you wash the dishes.  And it can be applied to formal meditation, be aware of your breath flowing in and out. As we attempt to be more fully present, we are often shocked with how hard or uncomfortable it can be.  Distraction and preoccupation are ingrained habits and can be exasperated with grief and trauma.   Getting pulled into difficult thoughts and feelings can also prevail.  Building connection back to the physical body and present moment awareness may take some time and work. The effort is actually part of the healing.

Kindness & Compassion are a must.

Mindfulness is like the light of the Sun, helping us to see more of what is going on in our body, mind, and heart.  Kindness & compassion are like the warmth of Sun, we need the warmth to help us make sense and meaning of our lives. Elisabeth Kubler Ross, one of the first experts in the modern field of death & dying used to frame all of our griefs as lessons to be learned so we could fully know love.  When it gets hard in any moment, find ways to evoke the warmth of kindness and compassion.  It is there, and you need and deserve it.  To be able to care about your own pain is an important inner skill to practice.  Sometimes the simple affirmation “this hurts”, “this is hard,” is enough to help you over the peaks of difficult emotions.

It’s OK that you’re not OK

When we start practicing mindfulness, we perhaps think we will feel some calm and then be able to do something productive with our messy grief…

In reality, as we learn how to be more present and aware of our inner experience we will see that it is messy!  The practice then becomes getting to know that, learning to navigate that, learning from that.

As we are able to be more aware and less reactive to our sensations, emotions, and thoughts, we see ourselves in a bigger context.  We are not just these sensations, emotions, thoughts.  They are part of us, but they do not have to snare us the same way again and again.

We can acknowledge, honor, explore, even befriend parts of our experience that we couldn’t tolerate before.  It is OK to be as you really are, right where you are, for now.

 

Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

 

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.

~Elisabeth Kubler- Ross

Having a home yoga practice has a whole new meaning in this time of virtual yoga classes and social distancing.

Students have commented that while virtual classes aren’t quite the same, they have helped them create structure, practice more regularly, manage the stress of this extraordinary event; as well as, make, sustain, and renew connections with others.

There are also the privacy, convenience, and cozy factors.  You don’t have to drive across town for your favorite class, practice in your underwear if you want, and you have your pets nearby.

Taking all this into account, as well as some of the challenges, here are some suggestions about how to make the most of the virtual yoga experience.

  • Am I doing it right? Remember that Yoga is so much more than the poses and techniques; the process has its own magic. The way we endeavor to teach is extra awareness based so there is less chance of doing it wrong and more chance of learning from your direct experience.  *If you do have a particular question about technique, ask after class or email. 
  • What are we doing now? You can get lost at times….it may be that the teacher wasn’t perfectly clear or that you spaced out a bit….no big deal, just tune back in and find your way anew. If you have feedback for any of us in regards to clarity, tell us or email so we learn.
  • Is there anybody else out there? Sometimes it helps to notice the participant list of who is in class before we begin and recognize that you are doing this with other people at the same time. You are actually having a communal experience. There is a period before class and after class to say hello, and you can also just zoom in and out without socializing.
  • I really need to vacuum…It can be useful to create a dedicated space in your home. And to keep it clean and clear of stuff. This is a very classical recommendation for yoga, create the space that signals your brain that you are doing something special. If you can’t find that space in your home, or your device doesn’t allow that, it can just be your mat zone while you are on it.
  • Am I doing enough or am I getting lazy? Being physically challenged can be over-rated, you end up forcing it and creating pain rather than relieving it. And, it is hard for us as instructors to know what is safe and productive when we can’t see you. A good rule of thumb is to do 80% of what you think is doable. If you want to see how it is to challenge yourself with a particular pose, do it every day at 80% and see where you are in 1 week.

At the time I was born, my mother was 29. She was now the mother of 3 living in Hyde Park, Illinois. She often said she missed the 1960’s because she was already with child by age 18; but she was still a woman of her time. She was an artist and writer, she had been a playboy bunny in the clubs, she married a Jew when her family had never met one, she befriended and often housed unusual, interesting, radical, struggling people, she was anti-war, she was gay friendly, had campaigned for Kennedy.

She is gone now so I can’t ask her to refresh me, but I imagine she was devastated by the assassinations of President Kennedy and years later, in my third term in her womb, Martin Luther King. I was born the day Robert Kennedy won the California primary for their Democratic Presidential Nominee, he was killed the next day. And we lived minutes away from the riot scene of the Democratic National Convention. I was probably in her arms when she watched the TV those days and heard the city around her in chaos.

Flash to now: I watch, listen, and sense into the events of these past weeks. The tragic death of Ahmaud Arbery. The knee on the neck of George Floyd. The ridiculous responses of our president, who has fanned racial tensions flagrantly all along. What am I to do? How am I to meet the moment? Me, a babe of the civil rights era, the daughter of a performance poet, and an ordained minister?

Looking around my life, I am aware, more than ever, that it is lily white. No black friends or neighbors, very few places where I come into contact with any diversity. I had not noticed. It happened gradually as I left work in organizations and focused on creating something of my own. Like my mother, who was sucked into domestic and suburban life; only worse because I don’t even have children to draw me out into the community they might have, or make me think about the youth perspective.

I attended the “Black Lives Matter” event on the U of A campus this past weekend and thought of her, my mother. She was more socially active than I am. More dramatic. She would have carried a sign. She would have known some of these performers on stage, or their equivalents in her day. She was someone who could get up on stage and speak and sing of the aches of the wounded heart and the ravages of oppression. She was someone who would affirm anyone who tried to as well. She wasn’t political, but she was a champion of truth and justice and the power of the spoken word.
Two of the speakers at the rally spoke of the need to stand up, the need for all marginalized people to raise their voices, the need to risk offending the powers that be. I heard them. And then heard them again, when they said that those who are standing here will turn away again. White people in particular. Will retreat. Will collude. Will comply. Again. They were scolding us and I felt it, and deserved it. They also were voicing their despair; you might feel good about being here letting us be us, but you will forget about us tomorrow….

A client I had been with earlier in the day- grieving deeply the wounds of her family combined with the grief of our country and world, likewise had doubted that any protest would matter. Not just this but in general- all that has been trampled these last 3 years….
It’s too big and pervasive. All the brokenness. And the Powers That Be, that serve themselves and their kind alone.

And yet: Something finally does seem to be happening. Moving the needle. Shaking the status quo. What can I do? How can I contribute to the moment? How will I remember, tomorrow and in the weeks, months, years to come what is happening and what is needed to help others up and out of not only personal despair (which I am trained to do), but systemic oppression (which I am not)?

Please know this reflection is primarily personal. I am sharing it to expose my own process rather than to wave a sign of any kind. As a contemplative, someone who is more introverted than extroverted- more emotional than intellectual- more spiritual than practical- I am searching for my authentic response to how will I remember and act.

I will take heart and inspiration from those I see standing up, speaking out, calling out, crying out. One of the presenters yesterday, sang a song about the places she can’t go because of the risk of being killed by police. It was stunning and at one point she screeched and screeched and it was just, right. Just as we would hope in our grief workshops when people connect to the rage or fear or desperation that really was a natural way to react, but most likely was repressed to stay alive. We have to allow ourselves and others to grieve, which includes rage and anger properly directed.

I will continue to listen and care and beam a deep faith in the potential of individuals to connect with deeper powers than the powers that be. As a black minister said of Trump’s photo op at St. John’s Church, “The God I serve is higher than that.”
I will continue to commit to my own contemplative path of Yoga. Prayer. Meditation. Not as an escape or evasion, or personal pursuit of health or wisdom, but as a form of purification and the innate desire to provide places of refuge and processes of insight for others. Refuge, that Thomas Merton referred to as necessary to make active work “fruitful.”

And I l will commit to learning more about systemic oppression, about my own bias, about what is now referred to as white fragility. I truly don’t understand these things- have not felt it was relative to me yet. Now it is.

All this does not alieve the pain of those actively oppressed, the real suffering of so many, but it is something I can and will sincerely do. From a black president to a racist president to the unknown future. We each have plenty we can do that matters.

While the moment is ripe for change, while the situation is dire for so many, while hope is sincere, it will not be easy. In the words of Thomas Merton again, and in the spirit of the long view, and the contemplative I am, “concentrate not on the results, but on the value, the rightness, the truth of the work itself. ” Thomas Merton

The Friends of Jung brought Thomas Moore to Tucson in February to speak at an organizational fundraiser.  I confess I had heard of him but never read his most well-known book “Care of the Soul.”  He is a former monk, religious scholar, and Jungian psychoanalyst, the title of the talk was, “A Soulful Life in an Unsettled World.” This was before the pandemic.  While there was plenty to be alarmed at then, it seems like another era already.

I took copious notes.  He is a marvelous speaker. It relates well to what we do with our contemplative practices, and expands horizons as well as we live into this time of significant upheaval.  Here is a rough synopsis. I have tried to keep it simple.  I will loop this back to Vedic Astrology at the end.

He began by mentioning that he had found a letter Carl Jung had written to someone in Tucson; a reader of one of his more obscure books who was appreciative of Jung’s thoughts in the text.  Jung commented and even complained that many people did not share his enthusiasm, that he was aware that his ideas were frightening or scary to people, he noted that the “world of the intellect is afraid” of the depth he was exploring.  Moore then asked us to consider for ourselves, “are my ideas frightening to people..?”

In general, Moore was starting to talk about dealing with anxiety; really dealing with anxiety, from a depth perspective. He talked about it from his study of Jung and his own living into the spirit of Jung.

One of the stories he told was from early on in his own academic career.  He was being considered for a Fulbright Scholarship and the professor noticed that he had already read all of Jung’s work. The professor asked him if he knew that Jung was considered “crazy,” that he did magic and practiced alchemy. Moore didn’t get the scholarship and joked that it was perhaps because the man suspected him to be similarly in-route.

“The intellect is afraid.”

Moore began to talk about Jung’s emphasis that we need to get in touch with the extra-ordinary, to get in touch with Eros or Desire as a way to contact this; that this was the necessary direction to abate the anxiety and depression prevalent today.  Moore also gave context to Jung’s life which involved the rise of Fascism and his own precarious situation as an intellectual emigre.

He described how yes, Jung did “magic,” that he valued mystery, that he saw these as ways to confront the unconscious, figure it out through play rather than thought.

He went on to speak about the Jungian concept of Anima- the feminine aspect of the soul we all have; that the voices and images that come from there have to be listened to, expressed in some form for us to be whole.  Anxiety is about not being in touch with the power of the soul,  not being able to perform alchemy- transforming things elementally- not being able to listen inwardly or get the image out.  He joked that “STEM education was not good for magic…”

He emphasized that images were for power not adornment, that art and poetry were from other realms- that it was vital to create, play, be goofy, eccentric (outside the circle), crazy:  “talk to your dead people”, “enjoy your craziness,” “do what your dreams tell you to do,” “people should worry about your sanity sometimes.” He noted that Plato had philosophized that religion, love, intuition, and art were all forms of madness.

The primal need is to be in touch with your power, to follow your inspiration, to follow your desire.  Moore asked, “What would YOU do?”  “There is no answer, find your way in your life to your power.”

He spoke some about Dark Eros as well, the realms of aggression, evil, ego and worldly power.  He suggested anxiety was a form of masochism, self-harm through a limited ego, lack of imagination, or dimensionality.  He talked about the reality of both evil/good, darkness/light and the imperative to face the dark side of shadow otherwise the goodness and vision of light was merely a defense, not facing the truth of our being both human and divine.

While he didn’t talk extensively about shadow, he did talk about the need for spirituality to have both a vertical axis and horizontal axis.  He implied that in secular culture we tended to live too horizontally, and with religion and un-examined spirituality we could live too vertically.  We need both-the ability to transcend and to sink roots, to have a deep and broad humanity and faith in transcendence as well, he asked, “Can I trust myself?” “Do I trust life?”  “Do I have a big enough vision for life, enough to hold tragedy (mystery, paradox)?”  If not, there is some work to do.

Again, not talking much about shadow he did point to it as something that must be integrated.  That innocence was not ideal, that sentimentalizing was a form of denial that we had to suspect our motives and our assumptions creatively.  Here are some other questions he posed:

Can we not act out our shadow but be with it?

Can we look at our desire to make a lot of money?

Can we look at our sexuality in the light?

Can we catch ourselves doing something stupid?  Or being too clever?

Can we consider that we are being manipulated by our own story?

Can we listen to people who point difficult things out to us?

Can we catch ourselves when we are filling space, spouting?

Can we leave room for mystery, emptiness, ignorance?

This is the last piece from my notes that I will share.  When asked about psychedelics, their place in the exploration of consciousness or soul he was measured.  Yes, these can be ritualized and used, yes they have had a place in traditional cultures and may have some relevance today.  Yet he seemed to want to distinguish what he understood about soul work from the realm of personal seeking, spiritual experience, self-expression.  As a student of the mystics myself, he was pointing towards mystical experience that was somehow earned or yearned for rather than stimulated.  That we had to dig, that it was there, all of us had the potential to tap into the eternal. He quoted William Blake, “We are secretaries, the authors are eternity.”

Now, I tried to be brief but there is a lot here.  Plenty to ponder and play with as we shelter in place and consider how to be right now and going forward in the midst and after-math of this pandemic.

I will write about Vedic Astrology next time.  I will leave you with a teaser.  Carl Jung actually called astrology the “sum of all the psychological knowledge of antiquity.” And the origins of the word influenza, actually means “influence of the stars.”

We are all feeling so much right now, processing a lot of news, figuring out how to prepare and how to adapt- at home and at work.  What we may not realize is that we are grieving as well.  Grieving for what is unfolding, for what will not be, and also for the unknowns of the future.

While this situation is enormously complex, and the effects of it all will affect us each differently, there is also something surprisingly unifying.  We are all in this together, it is not just one country or state or city or family.

Here are some tips and tools from my yoga, mindfulness, and grief practices to support your mind/mind/spirit in this trans-formative time.  I hope they can help, and I know personally they do.

  • Elisabeth Kubler-Ross laid out the 5 stages of grief:  denial, anger, sadness, bargaining, acceptance.  They were not her last words about the process and often are taken too literally, yet they are good signposts.  Notice what you are thinking and feeling- which one might apply to your current state of being with all this?
  • This is a chaotic time, whether your life has come to a full stop, or you are actively engaged in an essential function.  What can you do that helps you personally calm down, slow down, tune in, pause, and be present.  Ask yourself, “what am I aware of right now?…How am I relating to myself and the moment right now?…What is needed, if anything?..
  • One of the most powerful self-compassion tools is to bring your awareness to your heart center, or to breathe into your heart center, or to put your hand or hands upon your sternum.  Sometimes, this is enough.  Feel the sensations. No words needed.  Just the feeling of connecting to your heart center can be soothing. Think of this as stocking up on compassion, kindness, and patience too.
  • Find safe ways to express your feelings and ideally to feel them through for a few minutes at a time.  The more we deny, distract, project, suppress our feelings- the more problems they create in our body and in our relationships.  In lieu of a safe person, there is always pen and paper- write them down, let it rip, and rip it up or burn it if you are worried about it being read.  The point is to get it out, externalize it.  Sometimes it is pure catharsis (it is a good sign if you cry while you are writing), sometimes it leads to insight (it doesn’t have to), let go of analyzing why or problem solving (you can talk back to the voice that goes there quickly).
  • We all have different ways of processing our feelings:  exercise, dance, art, music, nature, talking, meditating, praying, playing.  You don’t have to put words to them, but you do need to feel them, honor them, let them flow rather than simply sit.  Emotion implies motion.  Give yourself permission to feel what you feel and see where it takes you.  There is a short poem by Mary Oliver that expresses this perfectly:
    We shake with joy, we shake with grief.
    What a time they have, these two
    housed as they are in the same body.
  • One practice I have been doing spontaneously lately is simple breath awareness, or conscious breathing.  Just being more aware of my breath coming and going throughout the day, as I am doing what I am doing.  Letting it be and appreciating what it is.  I am thinking of this as breath affiliation.  We all need to breathe to be alive.  Breath is the symbol of our birth and death.  For now I am indeed alive and well.  I can breathe well for all those that may be struggling.  Jon Kabat Zinn often said “practice as if your life depends on it, because it does.”  I always marveled that he made the mindfulness practice truly seem so critical. Today it truly is.

Take care

Natasha

A Few Thoughts on Community  ~David Stein

 

Did anyone see the movie “Marcel the Shell With Shoes On” earlier this year? I did and I loved it! Marcel said many profound things about community. As such, he has rocketed through the ranks to enjoy the status as one of my heroes. “It’s pretty much common knowledge that it takes at least 20 shells to make a community,” Marcel formerly enjoyed life with his extended family. But with their mysterious disappearance he has dedicated his life to finding meaningful community. Marcel understands community better than most people do.

Community is so easy to say. And the word gets a lot of attention these days. It seems like a fairly simple and natural concept and word but it’s meaning is actually fairly complex. I think a community is a collection of shared connections. But let’s take a closer look.

Communities are formed and maintained to meet the shared needs of the members. Chief among these needs are safety (if we don’t feel safe we can’t connect), belonging, trust…all within the context of the stated purpose/purposes of the group. Like living organisms, communities have life cycle stages: inception, expansion, establishment, and maturity (this is sometimes referred to as “forming, storming, norming, and performing.”) The stages don’t necessarily happen in succession and some stages may repeat.

The Sol Center is a community. More precisely, it is a community with various communities nested within it…much like a Russian doll. For example: within the Sol Center there is the yoga community which can further be divided into Sunday yoga, weekday yoga, etc. There is also a community of meditators and communities organized around special classes and programs within the greater Sol Center community. The Sol Center (and all of the communities nestled within it) has 100% of the characteristics and qualities listed above. I never really thought much about community until I stumbled into the Sol Center.

There is a Hebrew folksong that I learned as a little kid. It essentially praises community and it is called Hinei MaTov and it goes like this (in Hebrew)…

Hinei ma tov u’mana’im
Shevet achim gam yachad

…which loosely means (it’s been said that translation is the first step toward interpretation as often words don’t readily translate from one language to another and meanings change over time):

How good it is, how sweet it is to be together on this day.

 

 

With the current corporate boycott of spending advertising dollars on Social Media platforms, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, X … et al, it reminded me that I was overdue in speaking out about our departure from Social Media …aka Social Media Distancing.

From the time the Information Superhighway was a dirt road, I have been an optimistic pessimist in regards to the Highway …working on that Highway and reading Clifford Stolls: Silicon Snake Oil paved the Highway for me.

At the Sol Center, we had been questioning the efficacy of social media platforms for some time. Cambridge Analytica, constant false news and adverts, personal privacy, the incendiary ramblings of elected officials, etc …it was all really just too anti-social, and not at all compatible with the verdant mindful mission of the Sol Center.

Upon learning about the peril of Suzie Kelly in 2019, the Faustian nature of it all became abundantly clear and now was the time to depart Social Media platforms with immediate effect. No longer could we offer any support to these platforms in any fashion. The business implications of a social media presence for the Sol Center or Natasha could no longer, in any form, be justified …and with that we were gone. From a purely business perspective the decision was difficult, but it was conscience, reasoned, and also very liberating.

The catalyst for this departure came about after reading what had happened with Suzie Kelly’s loss of her retirement savings. The data that Facebook and Aristocrat had compiled about Suzie, allowed Aristocrat’s behavioral analytics to easily recognize and prey upon her gambling addiction, or that of any Facebook user.  Good News! Susie, and two other Plaintiffs were able to reach a class action agreement in principle totaling 155 million in the Spring of 2020.

I will miss the adventures of: Felix at Huddersfield Station, Augie the Plant Doggie, my cousin washing his RV, Sadie Golden, and of course your adventures as well.

To be truly effective in forcing the hand of change on Social Media platforms, an entity cannot simply temporarily or permanently suspend the spending of advertising dollars. Entities must remove themselves from Social Media platforms entirely.

I said goodbye yesterday to a group of Catholic clergy I have been working with for 7 weeks.  I teach a “Mind, Body, Spirit” Seminar for a clergy sabbatical program here in Tucson. 

Essentially, I give them an ecumenical model for how yoga, meditation, and mindfulness “work” and then we spend the majority of our time engaged in gentle, relaxing, and prayerful practice.

As a closure, I asked them to tell me what stuck with them from the practice experience, what they would be taking away into their lives and ministries.

Here is a summary of their list for all of us to remember:

  1. Breath.  How important it is to breathe consciously and to notice our breath holding patterns.
  2. Gentle Movements.  How much can happen with simple, mindful movement.
  3. Simplicity.  Stand against the wall for a few moments.  Fold forward ½ way with your hands on a table top.  Lie down and let your body open.
  4. Alignment.  Notice how the body contracts and rounds and the difference you feel when you adjust and align more with gravity.
  5. Respect.  Work with your body in this moment.  There is no need to force, strain, or effort for something particular.
  6. Relax.  Notice the way we rush, lurch, tense, grip as we are acting.  Consciously relax within the effort and notice how that also affects your mind.
  7. Grace.  In movement and in the whole experience.
  8. Space.  It helps to have the right environment and we become the right environment- our body/mind state.
  9. Focus.  The mind on the body, the body as a worthy focus for attention, prayer, communion, insight.

In truth- this isn’t their list exactly.  That arose on the white, dry erase board and then was dissolved as we talked about yoga styles out there in the wider world.  This list is what I remember and what I have embellished a bit.  Yet, it’s the same and different every time I teach.  What makes it different is the alchemy, the respect we have for ourselves and each other as we commune on this day.  Goodbye Fall Sabbatical Group, it was lovely to share my yoga ministry with you these 7 weeks.   God Bless us all.

If you have come to help me, you are wasting your time.  But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together.   Aboriginal Activists Group, Queensland

When considering what to share from my practice this month, the idea of pace came to mind as a relevant theme.

As I tried to write about it, it became overly complex.  So I am going back to basics and simply sharing some personal thoughts that I hope are useful for you.

Years ago, I read an article by the excellent teacher of the Vedic sciences, Robert Svoboda, regarding the cultivation of Prana.  Prana is the Sanskrit term for subtle energy, similar to the Chinese term Chi.

The article had a wonderful effect on me during an especially difficult period of life.  I felt stuck and thwarted in many ways then, and was undoubtedly being hard on myself.  Why was I so slow?  Why did I have no energy?  These were constant, semi-conscious questions I circulated in my mind.

I share with you the first paragraph of this article and a few reflections about how it helped me and informs me to this day.

Whoever you may be, and wherever you may live, you live your life well when you live it at the right rate. Plow your way through life and life will wear you out; poke your way along and your life will grind to a halt. Find a pace that suits you, though, and amble along it accordingly, and your world will spontaneously level a path for you.

The article goes into some depth about yogic matters that I jive with, but what struck me right away was the possibility that slow was my pace.  That being upset about my pace was perhaps the drain of energy.  That maybe it was time to surrender to a deeper understanding of my rhythm, and to life’s rhythm for me.

This insight paradoxically allowed me to slow down more, to drop down deeper, to rest and rejuvenate, to ask different questions, to hear from my heart, and to follow my heart.

In this period since, about 5 years now, I understand my pace more and I do my daily best to honor it and amble along accordingly.    I don’t expect the world to spontaneously level my path but I do seem to understand more what is meant by such a statement.

Our pace connects us to our heart.  Our heart emanates our unique emotional and spiritual longing.  This is what influences the course of our path.

May you know and honor your pace.  May your heart illuminate your path.

May our practice and our healing be of benefit to the whole world.

Here is a link to the entire article for those that are inspired: Prana

Here are some reflections from my practice and hopefully some inspiration for yours:

This winter and spring I have been concentrating on getting stronger through hiking.  It has felt important as I enter into middle age to not just move more, but to be in nature and to be reminded that my body is a vehicle for connecting with the wilderness.

My asana practice is simple and sweet these days.  I don’t try and get much out of my body- rather I attend to it so it feels good and balanced.  This attitude has been distilled from years of practicing in ways that were not necessarily simple and sweet.

Even though I have always gravitated to gentle styles and found teachers who understood the meditative and spiritual dimension of yoga, I still pressured myself to do more and more.  I imagine I thought that was my duty as a professional yoga teacher.   It took some time to realize I was inflicting pain upon myself rather than resolving it, and that was serving no one!

This is really a lesson regarding the Mind.  I didn’t know I was being aggressive.  I didn’t know I was off track.  My teacher Rama always emphasized a will-less way of progressing and I loved the message.  It just took years to bear fruit and flowers. Perhaps there is much more to come.   Meanwhile, I am pain free, at ease, and in awe with the way my practice has evolved.

This brings me to the concept of Mind/Body that I am playing with lately.  In the new brain science we see more than ever that the mind and body are integral, not distinct.  The mind is the body, the body is the mind.  Awareness and sensitivity are keys to integration, thinking and dissecting are disturbances.  Yogis and Buddhas and Mystics of all stripes have essentially agreed upon this- now there is a modern wave of contemplative science and study that affirms and explains the phenomena of integration.

It is an exciting and exhilarating new way of conceiving of self and human potential.   What does your body tell you?  How does the thinking and judging mind distort the information?  How do we enter into the energy and information of the mind/body, learn from it directly?  How do we translate this integration of being into our lives and world? What might it mean for the future?

In regards to your practice, I hope you have the opportunity to move more and the wisdom to will-less from your body.  I wish you the enjoyment of nature and the opportunity to touch into wilderness.  I pray that your own mind/body journey flowers into good health and spiritual integration.  And that each of our practices aids to the healing of the world.

Blessings and Light, Natasha

Our normal daily life creates a pattern of mental focus that often takes us out of our physical, present moment reality.  Our attention goes away and in many directions, often for long periods of time.  This way of being, while it may seem necessary, productive, and even creative has many limitations.

The primary limitation is that it accentuates the mind/body disconnection- our body is doing one thing, our mind is doing many other things.  This disconnection makes us highly susceptible to physiological stress or sympathetic nervous system arousal.  That means our bodies are revving up to prepare for danger and emergency, its information is based on our conscious and unconscious thoughts and feelings, and in most cases there is no danger- the threat and thus the stress is in fact, unnecessary.  This unconscious and unnecessary ‘’revving” of our nervous system agitates, confuses, and exhausts us creating less productivity and more vulnerability to illness and accident.

The secondary limitation of our attention moving around constantly away from the present moment, is that we do not get to live our moments fully.  We in fact feel less because our senses are not activated and our emotions are not integrated into what we are doing.  While this can be a relief sometimes to just “do” life, if this doing prevails we are more prone to over-indulge the senses- which in turn exacerbates physiological stress, and we are easily overwhelmed by our feelings.

With the Mindfulness practices offered below, you can begin to gradually shift your attention back to the present moment reality.  This simple act of harnessing your attention, will help you develop your mind body connection, reduce and manage stress, and bring more beauty and balance to your life.  With practice, you will see that learning to attend to yourself is an act of intelligence and self-worth and that you are better able to attend gracefully to all that is needed in your life.

  1. Be aware of your breath.  Simply notice.  No thinking necessary.
  2. Be aware of your body sensations.  Simply notice.  No thinking necessary.
  3. Move your body mindfully, focusing on the experience of sensation. No thinking necessary.
  4. Shake.  Rattle.  Roll.  Rub.  Hop.  Yawn.  Sigh.  Stomp- whatever connects you to your body now.
  5. Be aware of raw feeling states.  The feeling of yes.  The feeling of no. The feeling of maybe-so.
  6. It doesn’t matter what you feel.  It does matter that you notice how you are feeling.
  7. Notice your thinking, imaging, inner dialogue.  Is it true?  Is it helpful?  Is it skillful?
  8. Notice that awareness- this faculty that can notice- is bigger than thinking.
  9. Sensations, emotions, thoughts drive impulses, actions, behaviors, consequences.
  10. The future is shaped moment by moment- be intentional and notice when you’re not.
  11. No judgment necessary.

I used to teach a lot of yoga, hours every day.  I joked that I was a marathon yoga teacher.  I taught different types of yoga practices in those many hours, it wasn’t all super physical.  It was also in one facility, so I didn’t have to drive hither and yon.  I loved what I did and I made a good living in the days when yoga teaching wasn’t really a profession.

It is said you teach what you most need to learn, maybe that is true.  I guess I needed to learn how to be in my body, how to be myself and connected to something more.  I also learned a lot about teaching, communicating, relating.  For me learning is primarily about self-awareness, and secondarily about information.  This is why I teach Yoga and not history, which was incidentally what I studied as an undergraduate.

For some reason, my desire to talk about the breath today brought me back to reflecting on these early days of marathon teaching.  I taught this morning, a short 75 minute class and everyone was very focused.  It felt like what it took me many years to learn were transmitted and absorbed by everyone in the room.  It was a bit of a time warp really, it felt like we must have practiced for hours to get that deep.  At the heart of this story is the breath.

If you have practiced yoga with me, you will know there is a special way that we breathe.  This comes from my teacher Rama and is the essence of her method, which she will not name.  She calls it Yoga.  There are lots of layers to this method, but in a nutshell it is a way of using the breath to create shifts and changes in our being without activating the ego or the will.  It is a way of working within the yoga poses that takes you into deep states of meditation where subtle conflict is resolved.  It is a way of converting the oxygen we breathe into the prana or energy we need to be both transformed and to maintain our integrity.

How does all this happen through breath?  I wish I could describe it here, I actually have been trying (and editing it out) but it is really something you have to experience.  For now I will simply say what I have said billions of time by now, breathe.